1st October 2022
It is the 1st October and these past few days I have been tearful. Feeling low and thinking about the worst scenarios. My mind is really disturbed and I am unable to sleep. I am managing four hours a night at the moment. I did try contacting the MacMillan's helpline centre but I was unable to reach anyone because it was 4pm in the morning!
My hero Rob listened to my worry's when he woke up and did comfort me. I am lucky I have someone who can support me. I do feel guilty at times about how much emotion and pressure I am putting on Rob, this is a hard time for him too.
Hearing the doctors latest news this week that they still cannot find the primary cancer has been overwhelming after the number of tests I have been through recently. Waiting for results which cause me great anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Fearing the unknown, and feeling stuck, my life is on pause and my spirit feels low.
To try and lift my spirit we go for a walk around the serpentine and we had a breakfast looking over the pond watching nature. Here I feel the smell of freedom and I feel blissful once again. I am grateful that I can still walk and currently have no symptoms. I am grateful that my mind has switched, driving positivity in the middle of cancer journey.
Song: Here comes the Sun, by Nina Simone. This song explains everything I am thinking about, enjoy the song.
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