8th September 2022
Bridget is on my mind, feels like there is no escaping this journey and the latest doctor's news is going to change my life forever.
Today I met with my doctor to discuss my latest test scan results. The doctor confirmed secondary cancer has been found in my neck, right hand side. At this stage the doctor is unsure if the cancer has spread to other parts of my body so a full head to toe MRI scan is required. Doctors are still unable to identify where the primary cancer is hiding so further tests are needed.
Apparently, my best outcome would be Thyroid Cancer. For now, I fall into a category named 'unknown primary' because they cannot find the primary tumour. This diagnosis makes me shiver, knowing it could be anywhere and an overwhelming trancelike sensation comes across my inner and outer core and mind.
During these difficult conversations with the doctors, I really appreciate having support and someone else in the room who can ask the doctors questions because information is flowing quickly and my ability to focus, write down notes and raise questions means I need help. I have a little blue book where I try and capture key points of the conversation, to help me try and make sense of what stage we are at and the next steps when I go home. Not surprisingly my mind is feeling overwhelmed and Rob my partner is there to help raise questions I may not have thought about. I highly recommend attending doctors appointments with someone else.
The doctor also mentioned other scenarios which are too strange to comprehend, especially as I have no symptoms, no red flags and not feeling unwell. For now I try to focus on what the doctor is telling me to concentrate on which is the good news, the best outcome for me, Thyroid Cancer.
This is the stage I felt like a I was passenger unable to get off the Cancer train tracks and like Iggy Pop says, 'I am a passenger.' I am currently no in control of my body and my destiny.
Right now it is beginning to sink in that I have no choice, I am going to have to walk the cancer journey which no matter how you look at it is not positive. The good thing is I do not have to walk this journey alone. I have many people supporting me from Rob, my family and closest friends, to my boss Paula and Natasha at work and many other people. I am not ashamed of having Cancer and I do not mind people knowing. Cancer is not going to define me, it's more like a flame and the baton has been passed on to me, how I will react is the question. I will react with all the strength I have, I am strong enough to get through this.
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