9th November 2022
I am still feeling internal pain from my neck dissection, some days are harder than others. My friend Vanessa visited after work. Nice to have a visitor and good timing because today we need to remove dressing on the wound.
Rob and Vanessa worked together to help remove the dressing from my wound. 14 staples had been removed a few days ago by the doctors. I did not want to look at the wound. Rob said it did not look too bad but he was being kind. The scar looked raw and ugly when I looked at it in the mirror. I know that with time the scar will fade so I try not to dwell too much emotion on this area as I am feeling in low mood already from the pain which is hard enough to deal with. At this stage I need to choose what is good for mind to focus on and the way I deal with things is what is the point of making myself more miserable about how ugly my neck looks right now. It will get better and my neck will heal and in a week’s time the scar will look different, so for now don’t worry what the scar looks like.
Vanessa and Rob were great trying to uplift my mood. I need to have compassion for my body and understand with time things will get better.
I spoke to one of the nurses who explained the next step will be another MRI scan to check to see if the small tumour found on the base of my tongue has grown. I will then meet a new doctor who will perform my robotic surgery. Once recovered from the second operation, the plan is to have radiotherapy for six weeks, daily.
Rob and I are feeling overwhelmed from the plan set out but also pleased we have a plan and they have found the primary tumour to my MEC salivary gland cancer. I personally am feeling spaced out from all the information and my mind is on healing and recovering from my first operation, neck dissection let alone another operation.
I decide I need to switch off from cancer talk and joined a session of Yoga Nidra instead online from home. This type of yoga does not require a lot of movement and focuses more on breath work. The session felt bliss because the pain I was feeling around my neck disappeared. I was floating on water like waves. The session helped cleanse my body and made me feel at peace with myself today.
Song: Come into the light by Bliss because the song makes me feel like I am turning to a state like I felt before which is calm.
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